Out of work? 5 Things Your Partner Needs to Know

If you have ever been laid off, it can be a life-altering experience.  We all choose how to react to the sudden change -whether it's expected or not.  But either way, you need to get into the 'job hunt' groove or you seriously risk your ability to quickly find that next great opportunity.  Otherwise, you could be sucked into habits of 'helping out' that often plague relationships for out-of-work partners.  So, please find your partner/wife/common-law better half.  N o w.  Yes, grab their hand - and sit them down in front of your reading device.  They're here? Ok, I need to talk to them. 

Hi there.  If you're reading this, it's because your better half or partner has grabbed you to show you some important information that will help them find that next great job. For you, it's probably filled with a lot of unknowns - how will you make ends meet, what do to next.  Trust me, having been in your shoes a couple of times in my life, there are five simple rules we all need to follow to help your partner find their next opportunity.  Failure to adhere to these rules put his or her chances of finding work quickly in jeopardy.

1. Now is not the time to catch up on household work, fix outstanding items, or do any renovations that you've wished to do.  Why?  It's not their job.  Their job and focus needs to be finding new work.  Your partner needs to be out there - meeting work friends, networking lunches and coffees, and generally getting his/her name out there that they are looking for work.
2. Be supportive.  If you start pointing fingers that this is their fault, best be holding up the mirror and look at yourself and ask - how would I want to be treated if it was me?  Right now, your partner needs your patience and support to help them find a new job.  Loosing a job can have a serious impact on your partners morale.  If you start to feel resentful about their situation, ask yourself - are you truly being a life partner or a parasite? But if you're on board and supportive, it helps them maintain life balance. And remember, looking for work should take 6-8 hours a day. (But take the weekends off!)
3. Ensure they keep their regular schedule they had before the job loss.  If your partner used to get up at 6am, work out, then go to work, then make sure you kick their butt out of bed and hit that gym, or walk, or yoga class. Routine is the best medicine to help maintain mental health (ego, esteem, and energy).  Were you planing an inexpensive trip? GO! Routine, routine, routine!
4. Let EVERYONE know.  And I mean everyone. No secrets. Last thing you want to do is show up at a family function and Uncle Bob finds out the hard way - "Hey Alice - did you get that bonus you were hoping for?"  "Umm, sorry Uncle Bob, I got laid off last month".  Facebook it, tweet it, and share the info.  Job opportunities often come not from your direct contacts, but often through third parties of your friends.  The more that people know you're looking for work, the more ears that are listening for opportunities.
5. DON'T PANIC - Help them pick the 'right' job.  I was once unemployed and I panicked, picking the first opportunity that came by.  Not only did I pick a job that was worse than the one that I just left, but the environment was employee-toxic with horrible management practices and low corporate morale. Make sure they don't just take the first offer.  And now that you have a little time - research the company doing the offer.  Ask friends - is it a good place to work at? Why did the last person leave the job? What's the turn-over rate like? Is it a good work-life balance? Future career opportunities?

It's important for you, as the person who is on the other side of this relationship, to know that your partner right now needs your patience and support.  They may be moody, but adding fuel to the fire will turn your current situation from uncertain to critical.  And make sure they keep their routine.  No sleeping in. Get them up and out of bed every morning! The less hours they spend at home networking, the better.

Besides, this is a great opportunity to turn a bad job into a great career with a new company.  If you give them the support they need right now, the faster and easier this transition can be!

Self awareness - not you - your team.

During a recent team meeting, I noticed a couple of my staff were not necessarily engaged in the discussion.  Normally loud, outspoken, and energetic, they sulked in their seats.  Interesting, I thought, what exactly is going on.

Two weeks prior, I had taken off for a 10-day vacation, returning to this sudden dreary meeting.  I had sent out an email to the department identifying who the key contacts for coverage for various areas of my responsibility should someone need assistance.  The two I had mentioned were also the two individuals withdrawn in the meeting. Later that morning, I grabbed one of them and asked what was up by having them go out for coffee with me.  He initially refused, but I insisted that I wanted to catch up on several important items.  During the walk to the coffee shop, I prodded and probed as gentle as I could... how are you, project going well? Did you get in touch with the vendor for updates?  And finally "what is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something is wrong, and I know it. When you're ready to discuss, drop by my office for a talk."

We walked back to the office mostly in silence, and 10 minutes after we got back, he came into my office with a huge team-dynamics problem to resolve.  I pulled in the other individual and found out the issue - listened to their concerns, and tried to help them rationalize a solution.   Both had also felt the email I had sent out was identifying new roles for them on the team - not my intention - coupled with this team-issue, it was icing on the cake - they felt isolated, stepped on, and shut out.  All from an email.

After much clarification and listening on my end both felt they had their leaders help resolve the issue - and I had a better understanding of the inner-team dynamics that were going on. It's easy to see how an email - innocent as an out-of-office notice, can cause a snowball effect that steamrolls into an avalanche of negative emotions and misunderstanding.

What's important as leaders is that we need to be watching behaviours and patterns as close as possible.  Do they always go out for coffee?  Who do they have coffee with normally?  Do they have lunch with particular people?  When they decide to be talkative and social, do they hang out at any particular location?

Once we understand the habits of our staff, it helps imprint on us, as their leader, a great self-awareness of our team. Changes can then be easily picked out to identify problems before they become serious issues.  Its not that we want to figure out how much time they waste in a day (unless it's a performance issue), but what are my team member's habits to help understand their routines.  Changes could indicate stress at work or at home that could negatively impact performance.

We're not supposed to be psychologists (some days I do wonder), but we can be mindful of how our team members interact with one another.  Knowing these traits, in the long run, goes a long way to increase team performance and keep them on track.  Good team dynamics = happy team = high performing team.

Packing your teamwork raincoat

It's not every day that I have a great opportunity to share my experiences with people I respect and care for - and around 5 years ago, I had a great story to tell that for some, changed their perspective on how teamwork isn't about laying fault, but looking at yourself in how you can make everyone succeed.

Having spent over 10 years in the Canadian Army Signals (Reserve and Regular), I had the privilege to teach Basic Training to Canada's newest and brightest back in the summer of 1995.  One of the biggest learning points for these young kids was the concept of teamwork - but not your typical corporate project team framework (that's another story for another day).  What the military is about is ensuring you not only take care of yourself but ensure your peers are at the same level as well.

The second week of training starts and that Monday on the parade square for practice drills and it starts to rain.  We order the troops to don their raingear, but unfortunately, Private Smith forgot his raincoat.  I, with a nod from our troop commander who was also assisting me that morning, order everyone to put away our raingear.  Everyone started to complain and I silenced it with a story.  Even the troop commander and I put away our raingear.

As we were all standing in the pouring rain, the smarty-pants of the group came to the 'prove' position - a move which indicates a question when you're in troop drill formation. "Why must we all put away our rain gear Master Corporal? It was only Smith who forgot his."  At this comment, everyone in the troop glared at Smith.

"Well, Private Paulin" I explained to everyone, "you have failed Private Smith - in fact, everyone has failed Private Smith." A confused look when over the troop faces - I continued', "Imagine you're on a patrol and you forget to take along drinking water.  Now, everyone has to share water with you. Or if you forget to pack a change of socks, extra ammo, a cleaning kit for your rifle?  What implications does it have for the rest of your troop? Did you ever hear of the proverb of the want of a nail? The story of the messenger who didn't get to the King?" I asked.

"No  Master Corporal," they replied in unison.

I explained loudly,

"For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider, the battle was lost. For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

...and how different is a raincoat to a nail Paulin?" I asked softly standing directly in front of her in the formation.

She paused for around 10 seconds, and I could see the light not only go on in her eyes but of the entire troop. She replied, "I understand Master Corporal."

I continued, "Folks, you are not an army of one, but an army of we.  We.  Before you go anywhere, ensure you all have your raincoat packed before start of a parade.  You all need to rely on one another because there will come a time that you many need that raincoat - and when I say RAINCOAT, I'm not necessarily talking about raincoats - do you all understand?"

In unison, the troops shouted. "Yes, Master Corporal."

From that point forward, for every patrol, for every parade, for every activity, the troops were a team. They were always checking over everyone else before every activity - and to my surprise, they developed a buddy system where they paired off and would check each other's gear before any outing to ensure it was functional and the right equipment was being taken.  Friendships were hardened that summer as they began to understand the concept of "We the people", teamwork and partnership.

All for the want of a raincoat.